How I Ate the Dog part one

How I Ate the Dog

A monodrama


Narrator – A young man between 30 and 40 years, dressed in a sailor’s uniform, more often holds his sailor’s hat in hand, sometimes wears it on his head.

One may add personal stories and observations to the text.  Those moments that one especially doesn’t like may be skipped.  It is advisable to recount this story in more than an hour, but less than an hour-and-a-half.

On the stage is a lot of tackle, various maritime affects, a bucket of water and a rag.  In the center sits a chair.


There occur such moments in life, well, for example, you arrive home a little later than you promised, meaning you promised to come at nine, but you came at 11: You didn’t call, didn’t warn in advance, and, well, you come in, start to apologize, well, it’s no use…. And they tell you, “Oh, and of course you went drinking, you’re drunk.”  But you weren’t drinking, that is, not at all!  And you say, “No way, mom (or anyone else), God be with you, I didn’t have anything to drink…” and something to this effect.  And suddenly you have a thought, you clearly understand that you’re behaving yourself like you’re drunk, that is, the more you explain yourself, the more you become indignant, the more you appear to be drunk, moreover you already understand this, but all the same you can never do anything about it.  “Well, admit that you were drinking and  go to bed, why get worked up,” they say.  “But I wasn’t drinking, I wasn’t…” you grumble through your teeth, wave your hand and actually go to bed, and there’s nothing else to do about it.  And no one to get mad at, since it’s exactly as if you’re drunk…

I say this so that it will be understood that I myself don’t understand the reasons why I’m going to tell all of this now; it seems that there are many reasons, but as soon as you name one of them, you understand that it’s not the right reason, or it’s not a fundamental reason, or whatever…. That is, we’ll consider that everything that I recount, I’m recounting without a reason, well, and you… you’re listening for the reason that you came to listen, or simply because there already isn’t anywhere else to go, or for some other reason of your own.  I don’t know….

I’ll talk about a person who is no more now, who already doesn’t exist, in the sense that he existed before, but now he ceased to exist, but besides me no one noticed this.  And when I reminisce about him or talk about him, I say, “I thought… or I said”….  And I remember all this in detail, what he did, how he lived, what he thought, I remember why he did this or that, well, good thing, or, more often, bad thing….  I even become embarrassed for him, even though I distinctly understand that it wasn’t me.  No, not me.  In the sense that for everyone who knows me and knew me it was me, but actually that “I” who’s now saying this is a different person, and that one is no more and has no chance of appearing again….  In short, I ended up having to serve three years in the Pacific fleet….  That’s what kind of person this was.



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