Worshipping Chuck Norris, destroying emo sites: Olbanian language and Upyachka.ru, part one of many (?)

A still of the moving header that tops the page at Upyachka.ru.  The text reads, in deliberately mispelt and nonsensical Russian, "Animals chocho Upyachka. Upyachka upyachka!!!"

The moving header that tops the page at Upyachka.ru. As far as I or anyone else can tell, the text reads, in deliberately misspelled and nonsensical Russian, "Animals chocho Upyachka. Upyachka upyachka!!! Gaping jaws move back, repent! I'm an idiot! Kill me, anyone!"

The website Upyachka.ru is home to the hackers, nerds and bored, jaded youth of Runet, the Russian-language Internet.  It’s the temple of their rude quasi-religion, which worships Chuck Norris, Leonid from the film “300” and quiz-show champion Anatoly Vasserman. anatoly-chuck-and-leonid

It’s also the homeland of the slang language “Olbanian,” a corruption of Russian whose speakers systematically mispronounce words for comic effect (it’s not “Albanian,” but “Olbanian, “get it?). The most common, least offensive Olbanian slang terms are “preved” (instead of “privet,”or “hello”), “Zh’rchik,” the parody of Belorussian low-quality (as many Belorussian, and, I might add, Russian products are) lemonade brand “Zhivchik” that fuels Upyachka warriors in their struggle against emo kids, and “bzhni,” which, according to my friend Anton, can mean “something bad…something good…or nothing at all.”

As they say in Olbanian, “Onotoley real’ni sledit za toboy!” — “Anatoly (“Onotoley” in Olbanian) really has his eye on you!”

P.S. The Russians tell Chuck Norris jokes, too.

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21 Responses to “Worshipping Chuck Norris, destroying emo sites: Olbanian language and Upyachka.ru, part one of many (?)”

  1. “…low-quality (as many Belorussian, and, I might add, Russian products are…”

    Are you one of jealous cunts from west? Or maybe you are Briton? Well, I’d like to let you know that your products (fish’n’chips at least) are even lower quality than their, cause obesity and degradation. So think first before judgin’…

  2. How do you say Obama in Olbanian, I wonder?

  3. FREEDOM! EQUALITY! UPYACHKA! SHACHLO POPYACHTSA!!!111ONEONE

  4. Abame, in Upyachka

  5. Oh, our site’s been popular abroad) actually, the information here is terribly not true to life. That community does not fight only emo kids, it stands against dull and boring tendencies in society like e.g. social networks, pervert reailty Tv-shows exposing dumb asses 24 h and so on.
    “Low-quality food in Russia” is also another invention of the author.
    Upyachka is being taken too serious here. And still, do not speak of a community that way if u are not part of it.
    And now upyachka really has eyes on the tread.

  6. Obame, I’d say.

    But there are A LOT of mistakes in the text.
    Firstly, the language spoken on upyachka is not Olbanian.
    Olbanian is stupid and is mostly used on bullshit sites, such as fishki.net.

    However, “preved” is really an olbanian word, and we DO NOT use it on upyachka. Moreover, you can see users banned for the use of this word.

    And “bzhni” is a brand of Russian water. It is used on upyachka because of the word itself, which sounds on Russian really hillarious 😀

    Any questions? I’m free to answer.

    • Русак Says:

      Упячка следит за тобой. Не тролли. ЧАКИ УСЕ ВИДАЕТ!!!!!11!!! Рашин прайд тебе серьезно не достает. Оттянись по хорошему и потом вернись на форум и не тролли а то ЛЕонИд тебя спустит ВНИЗзззЗз в КХОЛодезЬ смертИИ!!!!!11!

  7. Obama in Olbanian is Obamushka or Abamchik or just Abamka

  8. UP4Kazus Says:

    I’d say, ObamcheG, then)))

  9. helgie Says:

    Let me correct you
    > Belorussian low-quality lemonade brand > “Zhivchik”
    It’s Ukrainian brand, and BTW not so bad as it may seem.

    > Olbanian language and Upyachka.ru
    Olbanian has come from leprosorium, and UPCHK has its own slang that differs from Olbanian.

  10. Sharky Says:

    >> It’s also the homeland of the slang language “Olbanian,”

    Are you crazy? The homeland of Olbanian is udaff.com, not upyachka. Upyachka has her own slang

    PS: use lurkmore

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  12. megafon Says:

    ПЫЩЬадинадинадин1ПЫЩЬ1111111111 http://www.upyachka.ru ПЫЩЬ1ПЫЩЬадин!!!1 ЕБАНИ СТЫД111!!! ПыЩЩЩЩЩЩЩЩЩь ПыЩЩЩЩЩЩЩЩЩь1 ПыЩЩЩЩЩЩЩЩЩь1 ПОТС ЗОХВАЧЕН!!! ЖЕПЬ ЕБРИЛО!!1!111 ГОЛАКТЕКО ОПАСНОСТЕ11 СВОБОДА РАВЕНСТВО УПЯЧКА111111111111С.Р.У111111 ТЕЛОИД ЕБАНИ СТЫД УпЯЧКА ГЛАНДЭ1111111 СВОБОДА РАВЕНСТВО УПЯЧКА111!1адинС.Р.У!!!!!адинадин11111 ЕБАНИ СТЫД1111111 ЪЖСЛО !!!1адин ПЕПЯКА СВОБОДА РАВЕНСТВО УПЯЧКАадин1!1111С.Р.У!!!!11111111 ПЫЩЬ11адинадин1111адинадин11ПЫЩЬадинадинадин11111

  13. UP4Kman Says:

    Zh’rchik is not low-quality! And Pyani too.

  14. Shachlo Says:

    SHACLO POPYACHTSA!!!111 UP4K IS WATCHING YOU!!!11

  15. WTF???
    American UG don’t love UP4K??

  16. Onotoley now really has the reason to have his eye on ya.

    This site exists only ’cause THE WORLD REALLY NEEDS a place, where there’s no such dullness as anywhere else. People on upyachka.ru are just happy people. And they’re fighting against dull shit almost all over the world, and not only in internet. And we are hackers, quite a precise description =)

  17. Это хорошо что вы начали вести блог,ведь у вас это отлично получается и надеюсь будет еще лучше. Главное писать о том,в чем вы разбираетесь. Удачи. 🙂

  18. Благодарю:) Классная тема, пишите чаше – у вас отлично получается 🙂

  19. Браво, очень хорошая мысль

  20. Хорошая статья. Действительно было интересно почитать. Не часто такое и встречается та.Наверное стоит подписаться на ваше RSS

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