The Eros of Moscow (continued)
By Vladimir Sorokin
5. Metro station “Krasniye vorota”
The Moscow metro, at first glance, seems to be one giant erogenous zone, a palpating system, each curve of which requires soft caresses. But this is only a superficial impression. In my 45 years of travels through this labyrinth, I’ve found only one station with erotic vibrations: “Krasniye vorota.” Go there after midnight, undress and stand in one of the granite niches and freeze for several minutes in the pose of Apollo (if you are a man) or Aphrodite (if God created you a woman).
6. Cheremushkinskii Market and Novodevichii Monastery
It is essential to arrive a little before the opening of the market already dressed in tatters. Having brought a wooden box, go through the main entrance into the market and immediately sit down on the box next to the doors. Place a scuzzy ushanka on your lap, take a deep breath and start to softly but persistently moan, “Moscow is red with buns! Moscow is red with buns!” You need to repeat this phrase continuously all day. As soon as the market closes, stand and, without counting the money given to you over the course of the day, clutch the ushanka in your hand and go to Novodevichii Monastery. Enter the grounds of the monastery, stand in the center, cross yourself, bow, and, with the cry, “To you, God, what to us is unfit!” throw the hat with the money as high as you can.